Reverb10: December 19: Healing
Following a link from Gretchen Rubin at the Happiness Project, I found the Reverb10 site, which encourages us to spend each day of December looking back at 2010 and thinking about what we want in our lives in 2011, through daily prompts. Since I started nine days late, I'm not going to write about all of them, but I think I'll write now about one that sings to me.
Something about confronting my deep, dark shadow this year healed it. At least it feels that way. Or maybe it's just that being out of that situation feels so much better than being in it, that I feel healed. But I think mucking around in the deep, stinky mud of my psyche, confronting those fears and the old pain, being forced to sit with it when there was no place to hide, did something, brought some of that stuff out into the light, where it dried up and blew away. I'm sure the roots are still in there, down in the soil, waiting to sprout again if the conditions are right, but I feel stronger now, more like I can handle a few weeds. Other things that healed me have been people who have been brave enough to shine their lights on me, and to remind me, over and over again until they must have gotten tired of it, of my own light.
In 2011, I want to be healed of more of my fear and to be able to stay centered in my own light no matter where I am or with whom. Never again do I want to lose myself to the extent that I did in 2010. I would like to heal that hole that so desperately craves someone to fill it with love and adoration, and that keens with loneliness when that person isn't to be found. Already I feel better, like the hole is somewhat healed, or healing. The loneliness isn't so sharp as it was, nor the keening so loud. I'm wishing for the healing to continue in 2011 and for that hole to close up without even a scar. Well, maybe one of those sexy scars, the kind that will make me all the more mysterious and intriguing :-)
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