Thursday, December 16, 2010

Reverb10: December 10: Wisdom
Following a link from Gretchen Rubin at the Happiness Project, I found the Reverb10 site, which encourages us to spend each day of December looking back at 2010 and thinking about what we want in our lives in 2011, through daily prompts. Since I started nine days late, I'm not going to write about all of them, but I think I'll write now about one that sings to me.

December 10 – Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

This year, I was wise enough to sit still as something that had taken up a lot of energy over the last 2 years went away. I could have fought it, and I did a little bit, as I have for the last year. I could have continued to grasp and cling, but finally, after many tears,  I just let go and sat down and let the waves of pain and anger and loss cleanse me. It had been a long year of trying very hard to make something work that was not working. We had tried very hard. But in the end, the change that kept trying to happen over this year, and that eventually, I think, we both knew was inevitable, made a final push and, after a few weeks of continuing my fight, I let go of the rope. I sat down and grieved and hugged myself and closed my eyes and let go. It was a combination of me getting pushed out of the nest and of me choosing to go, but I think wisdom can sometimes be just simply seeing and accepting the writing on the wall. Though I still sometimes wish for that life back, I'm wise enough now to know that those feelings will fade, and I that I don't need to do anything about them. I still want apologies from my ex-, but I'm wise enough now to not demand them. Sometimes wisdom is not doing anything, and letting the waves come and recede.

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